let's talk about dating.

Recently, I tried my hand at matchmaking. A good guy friend of mine mentioned that he found one of my co-workers very attractive...so I thought it would be great to match the two of them together since I saw qualities in them that would be complementary to each other. After much deliberation and teasing, my guy friend mustered up the courage to ask her out to a movie. I learned that I probably won't make a career out of matchmaking because it is not as easy as it looks. I'll leave it to match.com. and okcupid.com. Through this process, it is really interesting to be the objective person observing the courtship because I've really learned a lot about the human condition.

1. People want to date. Even if he/she says that he/she is happy being single, there is still a small part himself/herself that wants to be involved with someone. 'Involved' could mean anything from hooking-up to dating. Ultimately, we as humans are social creatures...and most of us don't want to be lonely. Dating is, for the most part, a fun exchange. Did he text you?, Well how did you respond?, What are you going to wear on your first date!!  So all the flirting, texting, sexual innuendos that are part of the dating process builds up your "dating persona". You have to know how to talk the talk and make the moves. People want to date! It's heart racing fun!

2. People get nervous. And it's so much fun to watch when you have nothing to lose!! I can actually see my friend's brain go into overload as he deliberates the wording of a text message! I can read the thoughtfulness in his attempt to be chill and reserved yet interested. I think it is just so interesting to observe how other people get nervous. It offers insight for me when I get nervous. Really, it's nbd!

3. People love to text. In this day and age, texting is the preferred method of communication. Texts can be very ambiguous and easily misinterpreted. So when a guy actually calls instead of text to ask a woman out on a date, I really admire that. It cuts out all of the confusion, text-time analysis by both parties and the "how should I phrase this?" angst. However, if one party is not interested, this could also make for an awkward exchange...or a string of ignored phone calls...

Anyway, on to my second point, what is wrong with being single?

For some reason, lately I've been asked several times whether or not I have a boyfriend. And I find myself feeling embarrassed saying, "No I'm not seeing anyone right now" or "Nope, I'm single" or "There's no one in the picture right now...". It's like admitting that I have some sort of defect. I'm single...and have been this way for a year and a half now! Sometimes I get the pity look and then this response, "aww you are such a nice girl, I'm sure you'll find somebody". verbatim. THEN I feel the need to justify why I'm single. "I'm really  busy at work" or "I'm just working on myself right now and I'm not looking for anyone" or "You know, timing hasn't been on my side". There really should be no shame to say "I'm single" period. You don't have to provide a background story for why you are single. I find the justifications disempowering, especially since I am happy being single. Sure there are days where I'd love to have a boyfriend to go to the movies or to go out dancing. But most days--like 99% of the time, I am busy trying to figure myself out. I can't really factor another human into my life right now. Yes I must admit it, I get lonely--but that's why I have a great network of friends. When I'm feeling down or alone, a simple phone call to a good friend will make me feel warm again. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely guilty of offering justifications as to why I am single too. But now that I am more conscious about my justifications, I will simply say it like it is: I'm not interested in dating.  I spend 0% of my time actively pursuing guys and I mostly spend my time with friends and family or at work. I realize that society places an emphasis on achieving "couplehood" and marriage. Being part of a couple is a very validating status in our society and it is reinforced through Hollywood (any Katherine Heigl movie) and reality TV shows (Bachelor & Bachelorette series). Really, it's okay to be single--you don't have to whisper it or justify why. Mostly, dating is all about chemistry, timing and luck. And those are elements that you just cannot control.

One more story to share--at work, one of my co-workers who is just the sweetest, he always says to me, "Christina you are such a catch! Whoever you end up with will be a lucky guy". Whenever he tells me this, I just brush it off and blush a little inside. Thinking about it now, it is very affirming to hear that because being the independent person I am, I'm not looking to "complete" anyone or "fulfill the idea of the dream girl". I am looking for companionship--intellectually, emotionally and physically. I'm not going to lie, in the past, I've "fluffed up my personality" to make guys more attracted to me but I never felt genuine and those "relationships" never lasted long. I'd rather be single than in a relationship where I'm pretending to be someone else. I recently spoke to my best friend from college and she was just in the healthiest relationship she's ever been in. According to her, communication of each partner's needs is a key component to building a strong relationship. Be honest and upfront. Ultimately, they were two people who understood, respected and loved each other openly. I'm not sure what that looks like for me or how that feels but I'm looking forward to someday having that too.

In the meantime, I am single and proud of it.