Living Life with Integrity

"The definition of integrity is where your thoughts, your feelings and your actions are aligned."

Lately, I've been thinking about this quotation often and what it means to live life with integrity. Whenever I remember to take a pause in the day, I simply ask myself, how am I feeling? What am I thinking about? And are my actions reflecting how I feel and what I think?

More often than not, I find myself either betraying my feelings, my thoughts or my actions. This is when I realized how often I'm not living with integrity because my perception of integrity was always in service of others. I valued being honest with others above being honest with myself. I spoke the truth that I knew others would want to hear. I did things for others and not myself. I have lived my life not for myself, but rather, to please other people. While I haven't lived my entire life pleasing others (my parents can attest to that), I operate on a level that is detrimental to myself--which has always been: first considering others, then basing my decisions on the others' needs. Very rarely do I assert myself. But as I am navigating this adult world, I realize how often people put themselves first. This gets me thinking, why can others do that and not me? It just feeds into my habit of being self-sacrificing. I must consider, what do I want and how I will get there.

For the longest time, I've had a very free-flowing attitude towards my career. I think, "I'll just stumble upon this career path and I'll just simply know." This kind of naivete will get me nowhere because career transitions are not only difficult, but they also waste time. I've already spent 5 months too long in my current job. I've yet to transition because I don't know where to go. I'm not interested in simply looking for a new job because a) I want to work in a better growth-oriented environment b) I want to get paid better c) I want to enjoy life as a young twenty-something professional in NYC. I am looking at the bigger picture, how will my next job strategically lead me to where I want to be 10 years from now?

So I'm committing to living my life with integrity to myself. Honoring my feelings, thoughts and actions will be the greatest act of self-love I can do.

That means that I must dedicate time to myself every day to a) doing a morning practice that sets the pace for my day b) checking-in with myself and, c) journaling.

With any luck, 10 years from now, I will be living my life full of integrity instead of self-betrayal and resentment. Even as a 23-year-old, I am tired of putting myself second. I don't want to be so resentful of my decisions any more. At the same time, it is SO MUCH easier for me to put myself second. I'm not used to asking myself, "what do I want?" and asserting those needs. I must challenge myself to do this daily, so that one day, it won't be so hard to put myself first.